my friend’s boyfriend broke up with her via snapchat and if that doesn’t sum up the 21st century in one event i don’t know what does
If i take what i have am i holding on to anything at all?
I feel anger burning in my stomach and my heart has nothing but questions of how petty I must be to you.
Things can get bad, you can get awesome and go do awesome things, and then you get your heart stomped on by steel toed clogs.
If the mean people in our lives were crappy 100% of the time, it would be easy to leave them. We would shrink from becoming friends with them or jump aboard the nope rocket in the early stages of trouble, and we would feel only relief when they are gone from our lives.
The problem is that very few people are evil all the time. They don’t wear villain costumes purchased at ForeverEvil. They don’t laugh maniacally and stroke their evil goatees while monologuing about their evil plans. They appear in our lives as People-Who-Would-Be-Awesome-Except-For-That-One-Glaring-Problem. They have potential to be awesome, and sometimes they are awesome, and they make us feel awesome, so we relax and let out that breath we’ve been holding in, and then BAM! They show their mean side, and we do a ton of mental work trying to reconcile the mean stuff with the awesome stuff.
Breaking up brings relief, as you lose the constant mental labor of managing the relationship AND the stress of being constantly disappointed and hurt, but it also brings grief. Shitty people who forget your birthday and give little backhanded compliments and gossip about your secrets sometimes give really good hugs, or presents, or are your favorite people to get drunk and watch figure-skating with, or were the sole witness to an important time in your life. The good times were real.”
I cannot express how much of a lightbulb moment it was when I realized people did not have to be unilaterally awful in order for you not to want to be in a relationship with them
And this is also why some people (yes, me) may cut someone out of their life and still think about them and wonder if they’re ever changed and if maybe that person with THE ONE GLARING THING has maybe fixed it.
Because they were a shitheel who was awful, but maybe self-awareness has sunk in and there could be another attempt at friendship.
This has been true for me exactly once. The rest of the time, either I knew better than to hope too much or I reengaged and everything went to shit again, and I learned the hard way the second time.